what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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