Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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