Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize