so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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