I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
