you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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