But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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