Can i not drive my cunt home
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
