Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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