At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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