oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
