why didn't you poke me back
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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