It's like God shit irony all over that family
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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