my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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