you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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