a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is not my ceiling
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
