just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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