I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
