I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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