I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
