We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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