Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
