I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
