Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
