You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
