I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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