My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
