theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
