I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
