Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
