Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
