I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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