omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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