And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
