The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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