So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
