i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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