I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
