I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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