I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize