sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
