glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
