You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
