I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
