He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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