I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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