There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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