i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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