so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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