Can i not drive my cunt home
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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