YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
