We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
