Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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