I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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