Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
