Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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