i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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