i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
