today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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