is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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