A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
