i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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