Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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