and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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