I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize