My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
