dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
