We won't sleep together?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
