just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
