Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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