Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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