So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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