Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
