Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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