For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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