I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
