Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
