I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
