please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You are a genius and a whore.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
