I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
