wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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