Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
