You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize