I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
