those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
