Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
