I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
