I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
