I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
