She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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