If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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