I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
