if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
