ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
