we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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