Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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