Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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