Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize