you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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