I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
