I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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