never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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